Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
