I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
