my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
