do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
