her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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