fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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