i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
