capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
