3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
