You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize