i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
