So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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