FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
