who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
