I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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