He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
