She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize