Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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