he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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