White coat. Heels.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
