ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
