Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
