We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
