I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
