Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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