Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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