I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
