I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
