I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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