I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
