I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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