i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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