All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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