I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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