the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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