you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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