the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
