this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
