You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
