Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
