Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize