So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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