btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
