I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Where is the hickey?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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