so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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