rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
