playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
