alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
