his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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