Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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