I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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