And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
