worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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