I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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