:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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