I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize