did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
