I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
