So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
