It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
