Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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