i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
