I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize