My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
