my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Terrible idea I love it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
