The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
