just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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