I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize