did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
