Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
