the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
