I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
