I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
