i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
