like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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