If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So vagazzling was a success
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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