You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
