just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
