I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
