My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
