I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize