I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
