K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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