it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize