I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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