I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
