Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
