There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
