Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
