After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
