why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
