Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize