Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
