i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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