when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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