so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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