my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
