im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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