she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
