p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
