My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize