You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
