I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
