Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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