Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
