if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
