Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
