did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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