I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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