Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we're making bets on your personal life
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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